Ok, so first dates aren’t the easiest but they are necessary if a guy wants to get a second date and beyond. As a woman that’s been on my fair share of bad first dates, here’s the secret to the much sought after second date. The following are the most common mistakes men make on the first date that cause woman to deny them a second chance.

You didn’t offer to pay.

Chivalry isn’t dead. Catching the tab on the first date is an easy way to show a new romance that you’re a gentleman. Not offering to pay is a red flag that you’re not boyfriend material. If you want to see her for a second date, pick up the check. If she insists on paying, she probably doesn’t want to see you for another date anyways; don’t fight it.

You are too into yourself.

Don’t get me wrong; we are interested in getting to know you. But, we are not interested in hearing the intricate details of your life during one dinner. The basic rule for conversation is listening as much as you speak. Reciprocity is key here. If you can’t refrain from talking about yourself for one date, chances are you too self-absorbed to be dating in the first place.

Pro tip:Genuinely listen to what she has to say, and remember it. It will pay off in the future.

You brought up your ex-girlfriend—multiple times.

We get it. You just got out of a relationship. Chances are, we did too. But, we are not interested in hearing about your ex, or exes. Ever. Keep the past in the past if you want to move forward with a new relationship. We all have baggage, but a first date is no place for it. Stay in the moment, and we will be happy to see you again.

You had a few too many…

Women like a man that can have a good time, but getting inebriated on a first date is definitely frowned upon. If you need alcohol to calm your nerves, keep it to a minimum. If you’re the type of guy who can’t have just a couple, than I highly recommend sticking to water. In every relationship, couples face that moment of seeing their significant other in a not so pleasant drunken state. This moment should never appear on a first date. Relax and have fun, but keep your composure.

You were on your phone for the majority of the date.

Okay, this is an easy one. Unless you’re the most important man in the world, there’s no reason that you can’t unplug for an hour or two. Women like attention. Not paying attention to us on the first date is a good indicator of how you will treat us in a relationship. Put your phone on silent and keep it in your pocket until the end of the date. If there’s something that you absolutely have to use your phone for, then ask her first if she minds, and politely step away to do so.

We have all been on a terrible first date, don’t be that guy. Ladies: if you have your own first date horror stories, leave them in the comments!

Guest post by: Erica Dahle